Jessica De Soto
CityStyle editor

Hurt and pain is wrapped around an abusive relationship. The abuser may seem as if he or she will change, but Lord knows not everyone is a saint.

The type of relationship is like drawing on a blank canvas waiting to be struck by the hand of beauty, the beauty that was once called your other half or soul mate.

But at the same time, the battered ones still want the hearts to stop and beat together. So feel empowered enough to make that break, to feel good enough about yourself to say, ‘” I don’t deserve this anymore.”

Signs of an emotionally abusive relationship exist, such as, thinking your spouse is allowed to make you have sex. That’s not true. Forced sex is rape, no matter who does it. You may think cruel or threatening words are not abuse. They are and sometimes emotional abuse is a sign that a person will become physically violent.

More examples of abuse are when he or she monitors what you’re doing all the time, unfairly accuses you of being unfaithful all the time and prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family. In addition, he or she also can prevent or discourage you from going to work or school, gets very angry during and after drinking alcohol or using drugs, controls how you spend your money, and makes decisions for you like telling you what to wear or eat.

The signs of a physically abusive relation are usually easy to see. The actions that define an emotionally abusive relationship, however, are far less clear. It is different for a man or woman in an emotionally abusive relationship to quantify actions that don’t leave physical marks.

Humiliating you in front of others, destroying your property or things that you care about, threatening to hurt you, the children or pets, hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, punching, slapping, kicking or biting, and threatening to use a weapon against you are all forms of physical abuse. Equally important, he or she can force you to have sex against your will, controlling your birth control or insisting that you get pregnant, blaming you for his or her violent outbursts, threatening to harm himself or herself when upset with you and saying things like, “If I can’t have you then no one can.”

Someone in a relationship that leaves him or her uneasy and uncomfortable cannot justify that feeling to themselves or to another. The sad truth is many times, a man or woman in a relationship with someone who is emotionally abusive may not even understand she or he is being abused.